Movie fan is making his mark downtown

So, do you get it?

Have you been walking around downtown and seen the painted store windows? Do you know what's going on? Or will you have to wait until more windows are painted? Here's a hint: "You'll shoot your eye out."

Nothing, eh?

Well, read on, but here's the final spoiler alert, as they say in movie reviews, for that's exactly what downtown is becoming. Monte Osterman, of Osterman Granite and Marble, is trying to turn Main Street's retail stores into a walking art tour, one dedicated to his favorite holiday movie, A Christmas Story.

"It's a movie everyone relates to, what everyone knows about being a kid in America," Osterman said. "I just thought it would be an interesting way to bring people downtown."

The BB gun movie?

"It's the quintessential Christmas gift," Osterman says, laughing. "Oh, sure, I got one. Absolutely." He laughs. "It's fun, it's cool. The neat thing is the movie harkens back to more wholesome times."

A Christmas Story is the 1983 movie made from Jean Shepherd's memoir of growing up in Indiana in the 1940s, when 9-year-old Ralphie Parker's whole life revolved around his longing for the perfect Christmas gift: a Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model BB rifle with a compass in the stock. ("No, you'll shoot your eye out," said his mother," his teacher ... even the department store Santa.)

Osterman, like Ralphie, is undeterred; he's organizing an ambitious street art project that starts with a spreadsheet breaking the movie down into its iconic scenes: The Santa Slide, Leg of Lamp, Chinese Turkey ... I could go on. Not only do I have his spreadsheet, but I just rented the movie so it's all fresh in my mind.

Osterman has tried to match each scene to an appropriate retailer. Pink Bunny Blues, for example, went to Seams Unlimited at 401 Main, where costumer Kitty Schweitzer has sewn her own version of Aunt Clara's inappropriate gift, which now sits in her front window.

Soap Connoisseur, which recalls Ralphie's punishment with a bar of Lifebuoy after a certain profanity escaped his lips, now graces the doorway to Common Scents, 303 Main, which sells -- you'll have to take my word for this -- better-tasting soaps.

Copacetic, owned by Osterman's wife, Mary, at 409 Main, is a hat mecca; it's decorated with a scene called Tree Bargaining, with everyone so attired.

And so it goes.

So far, five artists from Main Gallery -- Katie Iselin, Rachel Pettit, Katy Rovick, Zena Mengesha and Andrew Quirk -- have agreed to paint windows; eight are already done. Spectrum Gallery artists have said they are eager to participate as well, and painting supplies have been donated by Sanders Paint and Wallpaper, 511 Sixth St. More artists are welcome. You can reach Osterman at 632-7887.

If you haven't seen the movie lately, now would be a good time. But be forewarned:

At Blockbuster on Durand, where I picked up a copy, the clerk was a fount of information: The house where the movie was filmed has been turned into a Ralphie museum; Jean Shepherd wrote at least two sequels, one involving marbles and the other about a more grown-up Ralphie seeking a tuxedo for prom. The clerk recommends neither. But he rhapsodizes about A Christmas Story.

"The movie is really popular, both as a rental and for sale. It's the new It's a Wonderful Life. "

"Oh, no," I said. "Nothing will replace Jimmy Stewart."

"Different generations," the 20-something clerk said. "For me, it's definitely A Christmas Story."

Decide which generation you fit into, and rent accordingly.